Depressing Clichés

When I was watching the BIONIC WOMAN premiere, I was struck by a singular image of the depressed Jaime sobbing in the shower. My friend Matt short-handed it by describing it as a "sad shower scene". It made me think of the wave of clichés to fast-show someone has had a Daniel-Powter level Bad Day.

Wine and Candlelit Bubble Bath
Causes: Usually after a bad day at the office. Or maybe she's not fitting in.
Depression Level: Sigh.
After hitting the glass ceiling, struggling female exec drowns her troubles in the suds & vino combo. But there's always an awful lot of candles, isn't there? In a cocoon of ambient lighting and Dido music, wistful gal slinks into the tub contemplating her life.

Hagaan Das Therapy
Common Causes: It's usually after a relationship revelation (he's cheating! he's married! he's not committing!) or an unexpected visit from a critical parent.
Depression Level: Freaking Out.
We've all seen it. Down-on-her-luck lady drowning her sorrows in frozen dairy. And these frowny females are so down and out they don't have time for bowls. Nosiree, it's just a big spoon dug into the whole pint. She'll also rant with her mouthful of rocky road to sympathetic gal pal.

Walk of Weariness
Common Causes: He's left you, maybe this time for good.
Depression Level: How will I live without you?
It's time for contemplation, and usually when that happens, it's raining. The rain-soaked walk of the damned with soundtrack by alt-rock female whiner of the month. Walk through the streets and cry it all out, girlfriend! And if it's not raining, try walking on the beach. That works, too.

The Sad Shower
Common Causes: Everyone you've ever loved has lied to you! The parent you trusted is evil! The love of your life is gone, baby, gone! You now have bionic parts!
Depression Level: Basket case.
When you've just been hit with devastating news, daily hygiene may take a bit longer. When you're naked and alone with no one but your loofah sponge, you need to get it all out. So sit in that claw foot bathtub and sob uncontrollably!

Depressing, isn't it?

30 Things I Learned Watching Smallville

I wrote these up as they occurred to me watching SMALLVILLE:

1. Lying to your best friends is more noble than just trusting them with the truth.

2. Evil rich people like classical music.

3. Sixteen year old kids can run coffeeshops as a small business while attending high school.

4. Science labs and newsrooms have fantastic ambient lighting.

5. Evil rich people like to hammer a point with a historical metaphor.

6. Never use a simple phrase when a pop-culture metaphor can be used. Bonus points if you can utilize the word "pulled." "He pulled a Harry Houdini" vs. "He disappeared."

7. People often use computer passwords that are not only sentimental, but easily guessable.

8. Kids in high school and college have an uncanny knowledge of 1970s and 1980s pop culture. [Or, you know, their writers do.]

9. A lot of street thugs wear skull caps and brand-new leather jackets.

10. Teenagers have favorite classical authors and poets.

11. Male best friends talk an awful lot about their feelings for each other.

12. Police officers like toothpicks.

13. Major metropolitan newspapers allow teenagers to write headlines and articles.

14. If you have an incriminating object in your possession, you should regularly take it out of hiding and stare at it.

15. You can download architectual schematics of any building right off the internet, regardless of the year it was built.

16. Ancient alien technology is Mac/PC compatible.

17. If you are concealing a secret, dart your eyes wildly.

18. People who live in mansions have super-high-tech security, but tend to leave their front doors wide open.

19. When you see a farm from a distance, you will hear a cow moo. It reinforces you are looking at a farm.

20. Millionaires in huge mansions prefer to spend all their time in a single room.

21. Friends with money will always fly in the "best doctors" and "best lawyers" in the world - at a moment's notice - to help another friend in need.

22. High School and college students can afford a brand new car at least 3 times a school year.

23. It's surprisingly easy to sneak into restricted government and civic areas. Also, Crime scenes with police tape are unspoken invitations to disrupt evidence.

24. Small towns are surprisingly unalarmed by a high volume of mysterious deaths.

25. Life DOES have a reset button! If you find yourself in an impossible situation: find a cave with alien scrawls, wait for the flashing lights, and everything will be made right again. Repeat as necessary.

26. Saving a girl's life countless times will not gain you any "trust points."

27. Listening to doctors is highly optional. People like to leave hospitals without doctor's consent, and often enter rooms when they are told they are restricted.

28. Head trauma is not nearly as serious as I believed it to be.

29. Farming largely consists of moving bales of hay from one side of the barn to the other side of the barn.

30. Never trust Lana Lang to do anything important. It never ends well.