Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Idol Recap: Sgt Pepper's Pitchy Hearts Club Band

Say goodbye to Stripper David, who was voted off last week. There goes my arsenal of stripper jokes, planned to be doled out weekly. I'll have to wait til the next stripping Idol. I will always remember David singing "Can't Buy Me Love" in the ridiculous Brady Bunch-esque Idol Beatles jam on vote-off night. And now, the patrons of Dick's Caberet will once again be able to "buy love" from David.

Anyway, it's Beatles week this week... an ever-so-slight variation on last week's Lennon/McCarthy week. Ryan tells all the (specifically chosen, no doubt) pretty young white girls in the "Mosh Pit" that they will learn the story of the Beatles. People that don't know who the Beatles are... they are dead to me.

Amanda Overmeyer "Back In The USSR"
Amanda plays the dutiful Idol puppet by saying everything the judges want to hear. She will now give every song a bluesy-rocker kick. Kick, assult... what the difference right? Then she says something about putting black eyeliner on the song. You know, just as Lennon would have wanted. Only not really. Amanda does she usual growl-shout thing randomly hitting some notes by sheer law of averages. She's bound to hit a few, right? The lights flash as if to whisper. "See? This bitch rawks hard." The judges turn on her, now growing tired of her faux-rock schick. They are about seven weeks behind me.

Kristy Lee Cook "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away"

Kristy tells us about her Hello Kitty photo book or somesuch nonsense, before describing "You've Got To Hde Your Love Away," as if the song was written by the Pharaohs in the days of yore. She never heard this song before, which shames her generation in ways I'd rather not think about. With that in mind, so many of these Idolers fail to embrace the quiet melodies in Lennon/McCartny's songs. This isn't about belting things out, Kristy, dear. Paula is right (!) to tell them to just stick to the melodies. Yet they tell them to stick to the melodies and then switch it up. Kristy's mentions being "new" to the Beatles and any remaining sympathy just flies out of my soul.

David Archuleta "Long And Winding Road"

David has a lot of nervous laughter talking about his forgotten lyrics. And now I picture StageDaddy Archuleta with a shotgun offscreen making sure lil' Davy gets. the. damn. words. right. Little Wind-Up David does a nice job by - get this - simply singing the melodies!

Michael Johns "A Day In The Life"
He respects the Beatles and knows the song (he claims). Vocally it's the so-so extravanotsomuch we expect from Michael. His songs seem like Broadway-lite versions of the originals. Like, watching a commercial of that Billy Joel "Movin' Out" musical. You know the songs, that shit just don't sound quite right. To bottom line the whole thing, Micahel is just a limited vocalist. Paula lists some excuses for Micahel because she wants to Corey Clark him.

Brooke White "Here Comes The Sun"
This is a good song for Brooke. She too, gets the idea of singing the simple melody. She seems a little uncomfortable on stage tonight, tho. She knows she didn't do so well tonight. But how can you not love Brooke?

David Cook "Day Tripper"
You know what? I am starting to look forward to David Cook's performances in the same way I was for Chris Daughtry's. He does a good job with this one. His arrangements are always a little better than his vocals, tho. This is overall good stuff tho.

Carly Smithson "Black Bird"
The show gives us the Kelly Clarkson subliminal messaging again, just in case you aren't getting (vote for her) it. Vocally, this is very good. Intrinsically? A bit boring. When Simon hates on her song choice (wrong of him), but then Carly pulls a swerve and dredges up her woe-is-me beaten-down travails. She's the Job of the music industry, this one.

Jason Castro "Michelle"
Jason mentions how no one mentioned how he hit the wrong note when he sang "Halleluhiah". Oh they will mention it when the time is right and they want to phase you out of the competition. Trust me, Jason. Sir Dredsalot sings "Michelle," but his he's having trouble with the French. They only French he knows is "where can we score some pot here?" Jason backlash: week one. Randy mentions that it seemed subdued. Randy, Jason has been taking hits of "subdued" forr quite awhile now. Just noticing? Even Paula throws some hate on.

Sayesha "Yesterday"
This chick is talking about herself in the third person about how "Sayesha Mercado was in the bottom three", but believes that helped her build character. She was too perfect before that, you see. Feh, there's something anamatronic about this girl. Vocally, it's good. But I don't like the dirge-like arrangement. It's like I'm in traffic behind someone driving 20 MPR. I got places to be, Sayesha, and this show is only (?) two hours.

Chickezee "I've Just Seen A Face"
Chickezee whistfully recalls those halycon days of one week ago, where Ryan Seacrest momentarily was possessed by all members of Three 6 Mafia. Chickezee is a strange Idol rarity... I like him more every week instead of less. He's at least doing some different things. He's definitely more confident. And he's successful more times than I'd imagine. It's got a slight bluegrass vibe on this song that sorta doesn't offend me, even tho I think maybe it should. I didn't like all of this, but I liked enough of it.

Ramiele "I Should Have Known Better"
They are running out of time now because Sayesha I think bended time with a 2.5 minute song that took 4 hours in my mind. Every week my little inside voice says "please do better Ramiele." But I've come to a conclusion: this girl just don't get it. She can sing but she just can't grasp the nature of this show - has she ever seen this show? This is again, mediocre and doesn't show off her voice. Ramiele, you really need to start figuring this shit out or you're gone.

So who's going home on Wednesday?
I'm guessing Amanda is going to crawl back into her crypt.

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