BIONIC WOMAN: Three Episodes In

I'm renaming this show THE LACONIC WOMAN. Jaime is dull as dishwater. There's a serious inconsistency with her character. One minute, she wants nothing to do with the secret organization -- the next, she want in on this "save the world" thing.

I thought the second episode was fairly bad... worse than the first (where I forgive them for at least trying to hurry and lay groundwork). That part where Jaime agrees to be a spy and asks for weekends off and be home by 6pm. Is that even a joke? I think we are meant to take it seriously. And Michelle Ryan isn't injecting any playfulness in her line readings. Too bad her micronanites or whathaveyous couldn't enhance her personality. Miguel Ferrer is a great actor yet he comes across as so inept when he lets "The Laconic Woman" talk to him like that.

I don't know what they are trying to do with this show.... Jaime is mopey, but then gets faux-empowerment lines... it's dark-realistic, yet contains some shockingly unrealistic government-ish agency protocol (why does Jaime have so much freedom??).

The second episode also featured Isaiah Washington in a completely (so far) useless role that is duplicated by Asian trainer Jae Kim and grumpy mentor Jonas Bledsoe. He gets a strange "trust test" scene in a bookstore that is best forgotten. All I can say is, this private security agency sure does run things all strange-like.

The third episode fairs better, mostly because Sackoff elevates the material. But, it could be a big mistake to make Sarah Corvus so sympathetic so quickly... Is anyone going to care what Jaime is up to, when we've got the much-more-interesting Sarah? When Katee Sackoff is onscreen, the show sparks to life. She's the Bionic Fonzie; Just watch, she'll take over the show.

She'd be better served as a psycho adversary the first season, though. Sarah should have kicked Jaime's ass in episode one, sending her scurrying to Jonas for help -- building up to a Bionic Women rematch mid-season. By season's end, Jaime would be the kick-ass heroine. And in season two, we could delve into Sarah's back story and perhaps ultimate redemption.

Urgh, I'll probably stay with this at least til mid-season but I hope it improves! If they can't salvage Jaime's character, she'd be better off having Katee Sackoff take over as the Bionic lead.

Depressing Clichés

When I was watching the BIONIC WOMAN premiere, I was struck by a singular image of the depressed Jaime sobbing in the shower. My friend Matt short-handed it by describing it as a "sad shower scene". It made me think of the wave of clichés to fast-show someone has had a Daniel-Powter level Bad Day.

Wine and Candlelit Bubble Bath
Causes: Usually after a bad day at the office. Or maybe she's not fitting in.
Depression Level: Sigh.
After hitting the glass ceiling, struggling female exec drowns her troubles in the suds & vino combo. But there's always an awful lot of candles, isn't there? In a cocoon of ambient lighting and Dido music, wistful gal slinks into the tub contemplating her life.

Hagaan Das Therapy
Common Causes: It's usually after a relationship revelation (he's cheating! he's married! he's not committing!) or an unexpected visit from a critical parent.
Depression Level: Freaking Out.
We've all seen it. Down-on-her-luck lady drowning her sorrows in frozen dairy. And these frowny females are so down and out they don't have time for bowls. Nosiree, it's just a big spoon dug into the whole pint. She'll also rant with her mouthful of rocky road to sympathetic gal pal.

Walk of Weariness
Common Causes: He's left you, maybe this time for good.
Depression Level: How will I live without you?
It's time for contemplation, and usually when that happens, it's raining. The rain-soaked walk of the damned with soundtrack by alt-rock female whiner of the month. Walk through the streets and cry it all out, girlfriend! And if it's not raining, try walking on the beach. That works, too.

The Sad Shower
Common Causes: Everyone you've ever loved has lied to you! The parent you trusted is evil! The love of your life is gone, baby, gone! You now have bionic parts!
Depression Level: Basket case.
When you've just been hit with devastating news, daily hygiene may take a bit longer. When you're naked and alone with no one but your loofah sponge, you need to get it all out. So sit in that claw foot bathtub and sob uncontrollably!

Depressing, isn't it?

BIONIC WOMAN: "Pilot"

Yup, I was a semi-fan of the original BIONIC WOMAN. It's not as cheesy-campy as people make it out to be. The most memorable episodes for me were the excellent Fembots/Dr. Franklin/Weather Control 3-parter AND any of the episodes with Jaime's evil double, Lisa, who used a drug to mimic bionics. And, Lindsay Wagner was charming as Jaime.

With one episode to judge, the new BIONIC WOMAN gets a cautious thumbs up for me. They certainly laid a lot of groundwork in the first episode. I like how each character has a specific role and I can't see any 'useless' characters that appear so often in pilots.

I'm a little unsure if the lead actress plays "tough" convincingly. Her line at the end of the episode and during the fight scenes... didn't quite sell it. She's pretty good overall (and easy on the eyes)... but can she carry the whole darn show? Linsday Wagner had a certain charm, a certain charisma... you instantly related to her. I do also think things were rushed, as far as Jaime's development. She goes from Sarah Conner (in TERMINATOR) to Sarah Conner (in TERNIMATOR II) in 14 minutes. Sarah Corvus should have handed Jaime her non-bionic ass on that rainy rooftop. And Jaime should have then gone to the government seeking help and reluctantly agreeing to "work" with them. Then the whole first season could have been her development into bionic ass-kickery extreme. The tough Jaime didn't work in the last 15 minutes; It didn't ring true.

The show took some hits for writing out the deaf sister and replacing her with a computer hacker sister... but honestly, the change will only ultimately help the show. The angry deaf sister, I believe, would ultimately be marginalized; less a 'character' and more a symbol of Jaime's good heart. The computer hacking aspect will undoubtedly get sis involved in plots. (Of course, deaf sis could have been a computer hacker too-- but she wasn't in the original pilot...)

Miguel Ferrer is a casting coup and lends suitable gravitas as "Oscar Goldman 2.0." I liked the backstory with his wife. The boyfriend serves dual role as scientist who gave Jaime bionics as well as love interest. Good call. Also, his dad on the evil side gives plenty for the character to do. The asian guy has intertwined backstory with Sarah Corvus, good move. The blond agent seems like a weak link for now, but it's way too early to tell. The actress seems capable and her scenes were good.

Katee Sackoff as Sarah Corvus lifted the whole pilot from "competent" to "above average." She's totally convincing as the complicated bionic psycho and gave a jolt to every scene she was in. "Without getting too dramatic... I'm the first Bionic Woman... tada." Sackoff takes that line and makes it her bitch. She was just great to watch.

Here's the thing tho. This show is brought to us by the same people that gave us BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. That's both good and bad. I'm a fan of BG and they've done some great episodes and some complex characters. They can tell a great story. That's the good. BUT, I feel BG got enveloped by its own story; It's become this convoluted space-soap where not even the Cylons know what their plan is anymore (and, apparently, the writers never truly did). I would hate to see BIONIC WOMAN fall into the same trap, of everything revolving around Sarah Corvus and Evil Science Dad's consortium. ALIAS fell into a similar trap with Sloan.

It's got potential. I like it so far. I'm probably sticking with this one for the season unless the wheels fall off the bionic cart.