Idol Recap :: Jesus Christ, where are the Superstars?

It's Andrew LLoyd Weber Night. This should be interesting. Ryan starts the show by mock-conducting with Ricky Minor. And then he aims the wand at Simon. And then at the Aryan Mosh Pit of Estrogen. Ryan, no more Red Bulls before the show.

Andrew LLoyd Weber looks and sounds vaguely like a James Bond villain. I think his eyebrows are starting to hypnotize me. His retrospective reminds the rednecks that he's the guy behind CATS, Jesus Christ Superstar, Phantom of The Opera, Evita, Joseph And the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Jesus is mentioned, so they can follow along.

Sayesha "One Rock n Roll Too Many"
There's some supreme nonsense about Sayesha wondering to be theatrical or not. Like this chick needs to be more theatrical? Are you telling me we've been seeing a toned down version of Sayesha all this time? Isn't that like describing Dustin Diamond's portrayal of Skreech as subdued? Anyway, her performance is actually pretty good overall, vocally. It's the visual performance that's a bit... much. Sayesha vamps all over the stage, harnessing the sass of Florence from "The Jeffersons" and Winona from "Good Times." And that, my friends, is a lot of sass. I think it comes across as slightly community theater, but it is lively. The judges all like it and have found the box to trap -- er, put Sayesha into.

Jason Castro "Memory"
You knew someone would do it, but I woulda guessed one of the gals. Andrew LLoyd Weber never thought he'd see the day a dirty hippie pothead dude would be singing "Memory." He says it nicer than that because he's British. In an unintentional bit of hilarity, Jason says, "I didn't know a cat was singin' it." Yes, the musical is called "Cats", Jason. It's not an ironic title. Weber continues to explain the very simple concept behind the song, using small words, but I think Jason is thinking about how big his hands look right now. And then he needs some munchies. Seriously, I think this kid is perpetually high. Weber washes his hands to the whole thing by saying maybe Jason will be good despite his pot-addled mind.

The performance? Rather bad, in my opinion. It's very pleading and breathy, when it should be wistfully and melancholy. The judges all agree. Randy accurately describes it as a "train wreck" vocally. Is Jason dumb, indifferent or high? It's hard to tell.

We return from the commercial break and Ryan is once again deep within the Aryan Mosh Pit of Estrogen. Filed under "you can't make this shit up," it's been revealed that The Show actively recruits sorority girls to stock the audience, and then strategically place them where cameras will see them. Somehow, tonight, some uggos and oldies have crossed into it. Call border patrol! We have a breach!

Brooke "You Must Love Me"
I wonder what order Weber is seeing the contestants in, cuz he seems annoyed Brooke doesn't have a clue what the song means. They go through a therapy session and Brooke learns how to show her emotions. I think I saw this scene in "Ordinary People." Brooke fumbles at first. And even her new start is a little rough. She gets better in the middle and mostly recovers. Randy says it was rough. Paula subliminally tells Brooke to pack her bags. Simon didn't like it. The next 3 minutes are another therapy session with Brooke, as she looks on the verge of tears.

David Archuletta "Think Of Me"
Ryan brings up a bunch of pre-teen girls to uncomfortably grope David. He nervously obliges. Weber's big advice is to tell Lil' Archie to keep his eyes open, cuz he closes them while he sings. It's all technically good, and David keeps his eyes open. Randy and Paula gush, while Simon keeps it real and stops at "pleasant." Really, there's a lot of support behind Archuletta... but does he have the chops to be a pop star? Maybe on Tune Disney.

Carly "Jesus Christ Superstar"
Weber calls it and encourages Carly to sing "Jesus Christ Superstar" instead of "All I Ask Of You." You know what? This is my favorite performance of Carly's (even tho it may not be perfect vocally throughout). It's lively. Her voice is perfect for it. She belts it out in the right spots. Her outfit is appropriate to the song. Everything just came together. Carly needs to sing more songs with a little bit of attitude. The judges mostly agree.

David Cook "Music Of The Night"
Weber wants David to feel the emotion of the music and says that he David must imagine him as a sexy 17 year old girl. I think Weber is coming on to him. To David's credit, he doesn't just rock it up this week... he sings the song just as he would in a musical production. His voice went through a slight Madonna-Brit filter, but the song is mostly good. The judges all love it, because The Show and iTunes know that David Cook will actually sell records. And who else will this season?

So who's going home? I think Magneto will be calling Brooke's mutant piano ears back to the Brotherhood of Evil Musicians.