Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Idol Recap :: Reservoir Dawgs

Last week, Scott said goodbye, to the surprise of no one, as the judges extra-pretended to deliberate... on account of Scott’s inspiration-factor. Does anyone not realize that the judges could not, would not, decide such a thing on the spot like this?

Tonight’s theme: Songs of the Cinema
Tonight’s mentor: The uber-talented and uber-creepy Quentin Tarentino

Why Quentin? Apparently, “his passion for music gives his movies their distinct twist.” I will say, Tarentino does compile some memorable soundtracks. The Show reminds us that Tarentino was also a guest judge back in season three, back when they had 4 judges and still managed to do the show within an hour and not cause everyone’s DVRs to explode. For some reason, Tarentino is sporting a hair-don’t that looks like “Hitler Does LA.” Or, “George McFly in Rehab.” Take your pick.

Simon tells us that only 2 judges will judge each song, because if the show ran over, Tarentino would send Michael Manson to the director’s home to de-ear him while playing “Stuck In The Middle” by Steeler’s Wheels. And wouldn’t he deserve it for going 8 minutes into “Fringe?” Howabout, I dunno, just pre-planning the show properly, as has been done in seasons past with 4-judges? I know, I speak madness.

Allison Iraheta “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from Armageddon
See, I thought Allison shoulda sung “Invincible” by Pat Benetar, from the much-awesome “Legend of Billie Jean.” But instead, she sings the overwrought song “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from the overwrought movie “Armageddon”. I almost don’t have to watch the performance, because it’s pretty much exactly what you’d imagine, and perhaps a touch less. Allison doesn’t have a “pure” voice, so her huskiness doesn’t terribly support those big notes. All the judges faux-praise, because they desperately want to keep a girl in the competition, and have completely broken up with Lil Rounds.

Anoop Desai "Everything I Do” from Robin Hood
Remember the 1991 "Robin Hood" that gave us Kevin Costner's fake British accent for 15 minutes and then forgot? Or, more memorably, when Bryan Adam’s treacly “Everything I Do” invaded the radio incessantly for months, and easy-listening stations for years even? Well, this song is on my “destroy the master tapes” list, but Anoop done picked it. Tarentino wants Anoop to pimp slap the song, as he air-punches for effect. If this man wasn't a genius director, someone would have killed him by now, I'm convinced. And also, these Tarentino-mentor moments look incredibly staged. Anoop does pretty good, and Kara hones in on Anoop's success formula: pop songs + a little soul. If he can keep that formula, he may actually survive, oh, three more whole weeks even.

Adam Lampert "Bord To Be Wild" from Easy Rider
From Easy Rider. And also, like 1,873 other movies when we need to convey quick bad-assery. Tarentino, completely Show-coached, reveals, "If this is a competition looking for rock stars, he is the real deal." If Adam is the "real deal", then Miley Cirus is a musical genius. The Show gives us everything you'd expect at this point: the flashing rocker lights that whisper, "Adams rawks in a completely non-poseur way that you secretly love." Adam deigns to touch the mosh-pit blondies. He struts and succumbs to his restless leg syndrome (that's an actual thing now, btw). Also? The black nail polish, a rock-poseur's BFF, is back. It's completely over-cooked with screeching and over-runs. Simon forgoes the crack pipe this week by saying, "It was like the ROCKY HORROR MUSICAL in parts." (And I think, "Hey, Adam could have done a legit "Sweet Tranvestite," actually). And also, isn't every Adam song? The brainwashed audience is apoplectic.

Matt Giraud “Have You Ever Loved A Woman" from Don Juan DeMarco
Bryan Adams was to the early 90s as Kenny Logins was to the 80s. Both somehow became lucrative go-to soundtrack bitches. Here's another Bryan Adams piece, which makes sense when you compute the ages of the contestants. Daughtry also did a great performance of this one back in season five. Matt's performance is somewhat capable, with a few small rough spots. Randy and Kara call Matt on his over-runs, which so many Idolers are guilty of. Also, why does Randy's sweater look like the Sara's and Jackie's walls on "Too Close For Comfort"?

Danny Gokey "Endless Love" from Endless Love

It's Danny Jesse Raphael, sans glasses this week with a button-down shirt. Is he trying to look like Kris Allen's older brother now? Tarentino coaches Danny to use his hands this week as he sings. I think, "hopefully not as manically as Tarentino hand-talks." Dude will take out your eye, peeps. There's a ginormous harp on stage, so you know this will be a ProductionTM. It's good and spots, and terribly shouty in others. What to make of the "technically good but creatively stagnant" Gokey? The Show itself has been all bi-polar about Gokey, as they continue to back him, then almost regret it.

Kris Allen "Falling Slowly" from Once
Tarentino tells us that the song is close to Kris' heart, but we don't get the why of that. Maybe this is part of downplaying the whole wife thing as Simon suggested weeks back? Kris may suffer votes by picking a more obscure song, but he does a great job with it. He almost has "a moment", but falls ever so short. If he solemn-guitared this bitch and brought a ginormous harp on stage, he might have made a moment. For the record, Kris is the Idol I'm backing this season, as he's shown he can sing, takes some chances and is willing to go for some less obvious choices. Idiot Randy hates on this (why?) and resorts to the fall-back "pitchy." Kara thought it "was one of his best moments." Word, Kara.

Lil Rounds "The Rose" from The Rose
The Show has all but kicked Lil to the curb, even supporting Allison as "the girl's only hope" earlier this very week. My favorite version of this song was actually by Peter Griffin, but Lil does an OK job. It's still wedding singer, copycat, cruise singer (take your pick) level performance. Simon breaks up with her and claims "you aren't the artist we met 7 or 8 weeks ago" and "he's getting frustrated" and also, he wants his favorite T-shirt back along with his CDs you borrowed. Lil snaps back, and tries to defend her slight R&B rendition as an artistic choice; She's not altogether wrong, but The Show already moved on and is dating Allison.

Somehow, the show almost goes overtime again. How'd that happen?

As for who's going home, that's a tough one this week. Anoop has been bottom-3ing but had a good week, Lil is on the ropes but is an early fave, and Matt is a musical ping-pong per week but got chair-time this week.

I'm gonna guess this is Lil's last round.

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