Thursday, May 19, 2011

Idol Recap :: Destiny Mild

In last week's last page shocker, James Durbin was eliminated. That's what Show gets when it tries to manipulate votes by overly hating on Haley, tipping the cosmic vote balance off James' favor.

Tonight, round 1 is contestant's choice, round 2 is ProducerJimmy's call, and round 3 is up to the Judges. Also, Beyonce is guest mentoring, and she looks just like Lily Hollister.

Scotty McCreery: Lonestar’s “Amazed”

Scotty saunters around the stage without a care on him, tossing the song off all nonchalant-like. It all builds to the last note, which is more mid-range than Scooty's usually bullfrog low register. The Judges liked it despite Randy noting some "pitchy problems."

Back from commercial, Ryan is amid the mosh pit of estrogen…. And of note, are two heavy-set blonds. No doubt some legal advice after Show (allegedly) booted the girls with big booties. See? Fat bottom girls do make their rockin' world go round. Which is about as believable as Puck crushing on Lauren Zizes.

Lauren Alaina: Faith Hill’s “Wild One”

Lauren's narrative this season is "beating back her nerves." And, enough already. If I were Lauren, I'd be more concerned with my outfit, from the Goldie-Hawn-on-a-bender collection. Her performance is OK enough, if a lil' boring.

Haley Reinhart: Led Zeppelin’s “What Is and What Should Never Be”

Haley gives the classic LedZep tune a sorta sultry hungover vibe, and I mean that in a good way. And after 10 long seasons, we finally witness an Idoler tripping on stage. THANK YOU, Live TV! Coincidently, mentor Beyonce also hilariously fell on stage. When the cosmic stars align, they have a strange sense of humor. Randy calls it one of her best performances ever. Stephen notes, "It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up." And if that isn't the perfect metaphor for Haley's Idol journey, I don't know what is.

The Judges all name Haley as the winner of round 1, with Stephen noting that "she got her freak on." This causes consternation for Ryan, who tells us "my freak is out back, I'll use it later." Ryan is still waiting to grow hair in his special places.

Scotty McCreery: Thompson Square’s “Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not”

Scotty singing Country. Need I explain anymore?

Lauren Alaina: The Band Perry’s “If I Die Young”

The stage hand is trying to cover up Lauren's panty hose run by applying "a little shimmer." To which Ryan replies, "I know all about that." We know you know, Ryan. Believe us… We know you know. As for the song… Lauren sings it pretty. That is all. The Judges would have us believe there is "magic" and "magesty" and "honesty" in this. Urm, ok.

Haley Reinhart: Fleetwood Mac’s “Rhiannon”

Haley channels some Stevie Nicks with the help of a flowy skirt and wind machines. Looking very much a witchy woman, she does the Fleetwood Mac song proud.

Judges divided on who took round 2: Stephen sez Lauren, while the other two morons chant, "Scotty, Scotty, Scotty." And Ryan is offstage chanting "Scotty The Body, Scotty The Body..." And still, no one is biting.

Scotty McCreery: Kenny Rogers’ “She Believes in Me”

Scotty rocks the serious stool, which is his best look. He actually gives the song a nice, somber quality. And no weird eyes. One of his better performances.

Lauren Alaina: Lee Ann Womack’s “I Hope You Dance”

Lauren looks like she either raided Tonya Harding's closet, or she's about to film Blades Of Glory II: Electric Boogaloo. But whatevs. She sings pretty again.

Haley Reinhart: Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know”

Once again, Show minces the lyrics so the scandalous whore of the song dares to "go out with you to a theater." Because sluts love cineplexes, presumably. It's probably Haley's weakest performance of the night; It's a bit shaky in the beginning and manages to be a'ight around the edges.

So who's gong home? I'm guessing Haley will be the single lady out.