Ryan tells me I "must vote" this week because the competition is "closer than ever." Ryan, get off my jock.
We get a 3 minute retrospective on the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame. It's in Cleveland for no discernible reason. Ryan hints that one of the contestants may end up there. Replacing a large poster of John Lennon maybe, as the cobbled together graphics convey. The sound you just heard is my world shattering.
David Cook "Hungry Like The Wolf"
David tells us that he'll be singing "Hungry Like The Wolf", and I'm distracted by his multiple dog collars. (Is he adding a silver necklace weekly?) For my money, Duran Duran is one of the most underrated yet influential bands. Yes, really. The performance? It's a rather weak and strained cover of the original. The judges aren't crazy about it, but they don't hate on it either, because The Show and David Cook are sleeping together.
Sayesha "Proud Mary"
As Sayesha tells us she was nervous about this song, she third persons herself again and relates "Sayesha, just do it." To that, I say, "Bill, don't vomit." This is a good choice for Sayesha. The vocals are good, overall. The performance? At times, I'm expecting a stripper pole to emerge from the floor. Randy is in heat, Paula thinks Sayesha has become a woman, Simon thinks it was a bad Tina Turner impression, and Ryan is wondering why his pants suddenly got tighter.
Jason "I Shot The Sheriff"
Perpetually high Jason has confessed that he's "kind of ready to go home.” This song may help you in that, Jason. It's a lazy, listless performance. The Show also wants Jason gone, and the judges hate on the performance. Thankfully, Paula only judges one song at a time from Jason this week.
David Archuletta "Stand By Me"
David says that he's sung this song many times to his dog. I'm sure David's much-reported meanie stage daddy PapArchuletta was pacing in the kitchen saying "Too many "oooohs"". It's a good performance, but plagued with maybe one too many runs "ooooooh, Stand By Me, oooh-oooh-oooh...." The judges love it and Simon faint-praises it as the "best performance of the night." Ryan mentions that it always looks like David is about to pass out and David tells him that judges faces "scare me." Or, is he afraid a bad judging means he'll be beaten with one of PapArchuletta's cabbie hats?
David Cook "Baba O'Riley"
Most of America would probably call this one "Teenage Wasteland," cuz that's the refrain. This song is about 75% better than David's first performance. He changes the arrangement in spots and the vocals are better. The judges mostly love, because The Show wants a David-David finale.
Sayesha "A Change Is Gonna Come"
Sayesha mentions that this was sung during a pivotal time in history (the Civil Rights Movement). And now, Sayesha is going to sing it during a pivotal time in her life (Top 4 American Idoler). Because the hundred-year struggle for human rights is tantamount to a reality show karaoke contest. Perspective? You have no place here. The performance? It's vocally strong, but a little slow and sluggish. Randy hates (oddly). Paula loves and says "Welcome to your dream." Simon also loves.
It seems like Sayesha is having a real moment, as she is overwhelmed with tears. Ryan asks her about it, and Sayesha says how the song related to her Idol experience. Somehow, Sayesha has co-opted the emotional strife of the Civil Rights Movement. Ladies and gentlemen: I give you Sayesha Mercado, Tyra Banks heir apparent. Oh, Sayesha. I actually liked you for 17 seconds.
Jason "Mr. Tambourine Man"
Jason picks this song for its folk-rock vibe. It's another tossed-off performance between bong hits. He actually forgets some words and "covers" by saying "And the nn-uhh-uhh-uhh- following you..." Really now, Jason? The judges repeat-hate and Simon tells him to pack his bags. I guess Jason wasn't kidding... he really does want to nn-uhh-uhh home.
David Archuletta "Love Me Tender"
David('s father) thinks it'd be a good idea to sing a love song at this stage of the competition. As usual, it's a technically good vocal performance. But, also as usual, it has the depth of a "Gossip Girls" episode. L'il Archie might as well be one of those anamatronic Disney characters. The judges love, because The Show desperately wants a David-David finale.
So who's going? There's an outside chance professional bottom-3er Sayesha maay go... but my gut tells me it's time for Jason to pack up the roach clips.