Last week, Matt received the lowest number of votes, and then “sang for his life.” (melodramatic much, Seacrest?) But yon judges took pity on the lowly Timerfake, and Matt was honored with the very first “judges save.” The heavens opened, and a starry light shined unto him, as he basked in the praise and glow of his partners in song.
The miracle was broken by the prophesy of Cowell, who bellowed: "I wouldn't be so quick to congratulate him. Two people are going home [next week] now. Second piece of bad news? Next week is disco week." And lightning crackled as Simon disappeared in a cloud of sulfur and brimstone.
Yep, the results show went down just like that, only a tad more dramatic. When calmer heads prevail, you realize that the judges only had one more week to use their save. “Why not add some drama?”, The Show shrugged. ‘Cuz if Lil or Anoop were on the hot seat next week, the dramatic judges save would not be invoked.
This week is disco week, which should be a blessing to some (Lil?), and a curse to others (Anoop?). Well, no mentor this week, kids, even though there are a killligion to choose from and — omgweareintoLil’ssongrightnow. Guess someone would get fired if the show went overtime again, hm?
Lil Rounds “I’m Every Woman”
Have you ever been to a wedding where the band played this song? And Aunt Betsy made her “raise the roof” hands on the dance floor? Well then, you’ve seen Lil’s version. There’s nothing particularly wrong with it, but it’s not all that memorable. Except for Lil’s killer “Jackie Brown joins the X-Men” outfit. The judges all hate as Simon declares it her “final night”. This week, Lil looks like she will cut a bitch.
Kris Allen “She Works Hard For The Money”
This song is completely and utterly reinvented. To the extent that, it’s just about unrecognizable. It’s not a bad thing at all, as Kris puts an original Santana-ish acoustic spin on it. Once again, Kris is doing what they say they want every week: original arrangements that are sung well. The judges like and finally, FINALLY Kris gets some props on this show. This is the week where The Show finally decides to support Kris. Paula makes some strange comment about “men usually not shopping in the women’s department” as far as song choice, which derails some of the conversation. Also, Paula, ask Adam where he buys his medium-size shirts and guyliner, just sayin.’
Danny Gokey “September”
Somehow, it’s utterly predictable that Gokey chose “September.” It seems he’s stuck in an endless loop of overplayed up-tempo crowd-pleasers. He’s given some Idolettes on stage that distract from his bad white-guy dancing. Objectively, this is “of equal value” to Lil’s performances, as far as I’m concerned. It’s not bad, but it’s still wedding singer level or bar band esque. The judges praise/distract with talk of “sexy voice,” “pitch” and other grasping-at-truisms. Because if you didn’t know, The Show wants Danny in the finals.
Allison Iraheta “Hot Stuff”
Remember those Saturday Morning Action cartoons made for boys where there was, like, ONE female character just for balance? On G.I Joe, it was Scarlet. The Superfriends had Wonder Woman. Even Jonny Quest later added Jessie. Well, American Idol is determined to keep Allison as their token girl character since changing the locks on Lil two weeks ago.
It starts out with “quiet sittin’ on stairs” sing. That means, bitch is about to kick it up, y’all. Then it gets raspy and attitudinal. What’s lacking is the meaning behind the song, which is a desperate (and scratching-at-the-door horny) woman yearning for... Let’s call it “good lovin.’” Cuz this is a PG-13 recap. Allison sings it like my 5-year old niece sings Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry”: The words are technically in the right place, but the emotion and feeling is not remotely comprehended. Vocally, it’s fine; A slightly different take on the song, but nothing extraordinary. Hot Stuff? Mild Stuff, sez I. The judges, to no surprise, they like. Just watch them go all “grrr” on her when she scrapes to the final four.
Adam Lampert “If I Can’t Have You”
Adam gets chair time, because, why? Are the next six weeks a mere formality at this point? The song itself is sung well, I must say, for the most part. The arrangement, however, is utterly indulgent and overly theatrical in its staged melancholy. “Hot One” “Inspiring” “Brilliant” “Original” Surprising? Not in the least. Adam is praised for doing something different each and every week. Because his serious-sad version of “If I Can’t Have You” is vastly different from his serious-sad version of “Mad World” two weeks ago. Except, it’s not.
Matt Giraud “Stayin’ Alive”
Hoo-boy. A deadly song choice. I just don’t know if there’s a way to cover this song that doesn’t come across as cheesy or also-ran. It’s vocally good in spots, but a bit manic, clumsy and uneven. The judges support Matt, except Simon who lays a truth smackdown.
Anoop Desai “Dim All The Lights”
Anoop! seems to have lost his fratboy “sings on a dare” vibe and tapped into his inner Usher. It starts off all slow and soulful, and then the song kicks in. Hmm, this approach seems to be the theme of the night. When it all kicks in, it doesn’t quite all work. It remains a few registers below where the song needs to live. The judges like it, but Simon once again reality checks and says “it was mediocre at best.” He overly hates, to the point of, where's the bucket of pig's blood, Cowell?
So which two are going home?
I think it’s Lil’s last round, for shizzle.
And Matt... I’m afraid you aren’t stayin’ alive.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Idol Recap :: Reservoir Dawgs
Last week, Scott said goodbye, to the surprise of no one, as the judges extra-pretended to deliberate... on account of Scott’s inspiration-factor. Does anyone not realize that the judges could not, would not, decide such a thing on the spot like this?
Tonight’s theme: Songs of the Cinema
Tonight’s mentor: The uber-talented and uber-creepy Quentin Tarentino
Why Quentin? Apparently, “his passion for music gives his movies their distinct twist.” I will say, Tarentino does compile some memorable soundtracks. The Show reminds us that Tarentino was also a guest judge back in season three, back when they had 4 judges and still managed to do the show within an hour and not cause everyone’s DVRs to explode. For some reason, Tarentino is sporting a hair-don’t that looks like “Hitler Does LA.” Or, “George McFly in Rehab.” Take your pick.
Simon tells us that only 2 judges will judge each song, because if the show ran over, Tarentino would send Michael Manson to the director’s home to de-ear him while playing “Stuck In The Middle” by Steeler’s Wheels. And wouldn’t he deserve it for going 8 minutes into “Fringe?” Howabout, I dunno, just pre-planning the show properly, as has been done in seasons past with 4-judges? I know, I speak madness.
Allison Iraheta “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from Armageddon
See, I thought Allison shoulda sung “Invincible” by Pat Benetar, from the much-awesome “Legend of Billie Jean.” But instead, she sings the overwrought song “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from the overwrought movie “Armageddon”. I almost don’t have to watch the performance, because it’s pretty much exactly what you’d imagine, and perhaps a touch less. Allison doesn’t have a “pure” voice, so her huskiness doesn’t terribly support those big notes. All the judges faux-praise, because they desperately want to keep a girl in the competition, and have completely broken up with Lil Rounds.
Anoop Desai "Everything I Do” from Robin Hood
Remember the 1991 "Robin Hood" that gave us Kevin Costner's fake British accent for 15 minutes and then forgot? Or, more memorably, when Bryan Adam’s treacly “Everything I Do” invaded the radio incessantly for months, and easy-listening stations for years even? Well, this song is on my “destroy the master tapes” list, but Anoop done picked it. Tarentino wants Anoop to pimp slap the song, as he air-punches for effect. If this man wasn't a genius director, someone would have killed him by now, I'm convinced. And also, these Tarentino-mentor moments look incredibly staged. Anoop does pretty good, and Kara hones in on Anoop's success formula: pop songs + a little soul. If he can keep that formula, he may actually survive, oh, three more whole weeks even.
Adam Lampert "Bord To Be Wild" from Easy Rider
From Easy Rider. And also, like 1,873 other movies when we need to convey quick bad-assery. Tarentino, completely Show-coached, reveals, "If this is a competition looking for rock stars, he is the real deal." If Adam is the "real deal", then Miley Cirus is a musical genius. The Show gives us everything you'd expect at this point: the flashing rocker lights that whisper, "Adams rawks in a completely non-poseur way that you secretly love." Adam deigns to touch the mosh-pit blondies. He struts and succumbs to his restless leg syndrome (that's an actual thing now, btw). Also? The black nail polish, a rock-poseur's BFF, is back. It's completely over-cooked with screeching and over-runs. Simon forgoes the crack pipe this week by saying, "It was like the ROCKY HORROR MUSICAL in parts." (And I think, "Hey, Adam could have done a legit "Sweet Tranvestite," actually). And also, isn't every Adam song? The brainwashed audience is apoplectic.
Matt Giraud “Have You Ever Loved A Woman" from Don Juan DeMarco
Bryan Adams was to the early 90s as Kenny Logins was to the 80s. Both somehow became lucrative go-to soundtrack bitches. Here's another Bryan Adams piece, which makes sense when you compute the ages of the contestants. Daughtry also did a great performance of this one back in season five. Matt's performance is somewhat capable, with a few small rough spots. Randy and Kara call Matt on his over-runs, which so many Idolers are guilty of. Also, why does Randy's sweater look like the Sara's and Jackie's walls on "Too Close For Comfort"?
Danny Gokey "Endless Love" from Endless Love
It's Danny Jesse Raphael, sans glasses this week with a button-down shirt. Is he trying to look like Kris Allen's older brother now? Tarentino coaches Danny to use his hands this week as he sings. I think, "hopefully not as manically as Tarentino hand-talks." Dude will take out your eye, peeps. There's a ginormous harp on stage, so you know this will be a ProductionTM. It's good and spots, and terribly shouty in others. What to make of the "technically good but creatively stagnant" Gokey? The Show itself has been all bi-polar about Gokey, as they continue to back him, then almost regret it.
Kris Allen "Falling Slowly" from Once
Tarentino tells us that the song is close to Kris' heart, but we don't get the why of that. Maybe this is part of downplaying the whole wife thing as Simon suggested weeks back? Kris may suffer votes by picking a more obscure song, but he does a great job with it. He almost has "a moment", but falls ever so short. If he solemn-guitared this bitch and brought a ginormous harp on stage, he might have made a moment. For the record, Kris is the Idol I'm backing this season, as he's shown he can sing, takes some chances and is willing to go for some less obvious choices. Idiot Randy hates on this (why?) and resorts to the fall-back "pitchy." Kara thought it "was one of his best moments." Word, Kara.
Lil Rounds "The Rose" from The Rose
The Show has all but kicked Lil to the curb, even supporting Allison as "the girl's only hope" earlier this very week. My favorite version of this song was actually by Peter Griffin, but Lil does an OK job. It's still wedding singer, copycat, cruise singer (take your pick) level performance. Simon breaks up with her and claims "you aren't the artist we met 7 or 8 weeks ago" and "he's getting frustrated" and also, he wants his favorite T-shirt back along with his CDs you borrowed. Lil snaps back, and tries to defend her slight R&B rendition as an artistic choice; She's not altogether wrong, but The Show already moved on and is dating Allison.
Somehow, the show almost goes overtime again. How'd that happen?
As for who's going home, that's a tough one this week. Anoop has been bottom-3ing but had a good week, Lil is on the ropes but is an early fave, and Matt is a musical ping-pong per week but got chair-time this week.
I'm gonna guess this is Lil's last round.
Tonight’s theme: Songs of the Cinema
Tonight’s mentor: The uber-talented and uber-creepy Quentin Tarentino
Why Quentin? Apparently, “his passion for music gives his movies their distinct twist.” I will say, Tarentino does compile some memorable soundtracks. The Show reminds us that Tarentino was also a guest judge back in season three, back when they had 4 judges and still managed to do the show within an hour and not cause everyone’s DVRs to explode. For some reason, Tarentino is sporting a hair-don’t that looks like “Hitler Does LA.” Or, “George McFly in Rehab.” Take your pick.
Simon tells us that only 2 judges will judge each song, because if the show ran over, Tarentino would send Michael Manson to the director’s home to de-ear him while playing “Stuck In The Middle” by Steeler’s Wheels. And wouldn’t he deserve it for going 8 minutes into “Fringe?” Howabout, I dunno, just pre-planning the show properly, as has been done in seasons past with 4-judges? I know, I speak madness.
Allison Iraheta “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from Armageddon
See, I thought Allison shoulda sung “Invincible” by Pat Benetar, from the much-awesome “Legend of Billie Jean.” But instead, she sings the overwrought song “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from the overwrought movie “Armageddon”. I almost don’t have to watch the performance, because it’s pretty much exactly what you’d imagine, and perhaps a touch less. Allison doesn’t have a “pure” voice, so her huskiness doesn’t terribly support those big notes. All the judges faux-praise, because they desperately want to keep a girl in the competition, and have completely broken up with Lil Rounds.
Anoop Desai "Everything I Do” from Robin Hood
Remember the 1991 "Robin Hood" that gave us Kevin Costner's fake British accent for 15 minutes and then forgot? Or, more memorably, when Bryan Adam’s treacly “Everything I Do” invaded the radio incessantly for months, and easy-listening stations for years even? Well, this song is on my “destroy the master tapes” list, but Anoop done picked it. Tarentino wants Anoop to pimp slap the song, as he air-punches for effect. If this man wasn't a genius director, someone would have killed him by now, I'm convinced. And also, these Tarentino-mentor moments look incredibly staged. Anoop does pretty good, and Kara hones in on Anoop's success formula: pop songs + a little soul. If he can keep that formula, he may actually survive, oh, three more whole weeks even.
Adam Lampert "Bord To Be Wild" from Easy Rider
From Easy Rider. And also, like 1,873 other movies when we need to convey quick bad-assery. Tarentino, completely Show-coached, reveals, "If this is a competition looking for rock stars, he is the real deal." If Adam is the "real deal", then Miley Cirus is a musical genius. The Show gives us everything you'd expect at this point: the flashing rocker lights that whisper, "Adams rawks in a completely non-poseur way that you secretly love." Adam deigns to touch the mosh-pit blondies. He struts and succumbs to his restless leg syndrome (that's an actual thing now, btw). Also? The black nail polish, a rock-poseur's BFF, is back. It's completely over-cooked with screeching and over-runs. Simon forgoes the crack pipe this week by saying, "It was like the ROCKY HORROR MUSICAL in parts." (And I think, "Hey, Adam could have done a legit "Sweet Tranvestite," actually). And also, isn't every Adam song? The brainwashed audience is apoplectic.
Matt Giraud “Have You Ever Loved A Woman" from Don Juan DeMarco
Bryan Adams was to the early 90s as Kenny Logins was to the 80s. Both somehow became lucrative go-to soundtrack bitches. Here's another Bryan Adams piece, which makes sense when you compute the ages of the contestants. Daughtry also did a great performance of this one back in season five. Matt's performance is somewhat capable, with a few small rough spots. Randy and Kara call Matt on his over-runs, which so many Idolers are guilty of. Also, why does Randy's sweater look like the Sara's and Jackie's walls on "Too Close For Comfort"?
Danny Gokey "Endless Love" from Endless Love
It's Danny Jesse Raphael, sans glasses this week with a button-down shirt. Is he trying to look like Kris Allen's older brother now? Tarentino coaches Danny to use his hands this week as he sings. I think, "hopefully not as manically as Tarentino hand-talks." Dude will take out your eye, peeps. There's a ginormous harp on stage, so you know this will be a ProductionTM. It's good and spots, and terribly shouty in others. What to make of the "technically good but creatively stagnant" Gokey? The Show itself has been all bi-polar about Gokey, as they continue to back him, then almost regret it.
Kris Allen "Falling Slowly" from Once
Tarentino tells us that the song is close to Kris' heart, but we don't get the why of that. Maybe this is part of downplaying the whole wife thing as Simon suggested weeks back? Kris may suffer votes by picking a more obscure song, but he does a great job with it. He almost has "a moment", but falls ever so short. If he solemn-guitared this bitch and brought a ginormous harp on stage, he might have made a moment. For the record, Kris is the Idol I'm backing this season, as he's shown he can sing, takes some chances and is willing to go for some less obvious choices. Idiot Randy hates on this (why?) and resorts to the fall-back "pitchy." Kara thought it "was one of his best moments." Word, Kara.
Lil Rounds "The Rose" from The Rose
The Show has all but kicked Lil to the curb, even supporting Allison as "the girl's only hope" earlier this very week. My favorite version of this song was actually by Peter Griffin, but Lil does an OK job. It's still wedding singer, copycat, cruise singer (take your pick) level performance. Simon breaks up with her and claims "you aren't the artist we met 7 or 8 weeks ago" and "he's getting frustrated" and also, he wants his favorite T-shirt back along with his CDs you borrowed. Lil snaps back, and tries to defend her slight R&B rendition as an artistic choice; She's not altogether wrong, but The Show already moved on and is dating Allison.
Somehow, the show almost goes overtime again. How'd that happen?
As for who's going home, that's a tough one this week. Anoop has been bottom-3ing but had a good week, Lil is on the ropes but is an early fave, and Matt is a musical ping-pong per week but got chair-time this week.
I'm gonna guess this is Lil's last round.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Idol Recap :: Birthday Blues
Ryan reminds us that tonight’s theme is an “Idol favorite:” Songs from the year the contestants were born. The Show shares baby photos of the judges. They had to colorize Simon’s cuz Simon is old as ass as far as this show goes.
Danny Gokey "Stand By Me” from 1980
And already, the cheating begins. Cover songs from the year they were born. And from the eldest contestant no less! I can forgive cover songs when we eventually reach the crap-pop-fest of the 90s, but not in the 80s. The song has been Michael McDonaldized, all slow and with the Gokey rasp. Then it moves into an untempo “please welcome the bride and groom” vibe. With scatting. Honestly, I’m not a fan of this, as the soul and simplicity of the original “Stand By Me” is lost in the jazzy wedding singer arrangement. The arrangement is way cheesy, altho the vocals are OK. The judges all lie with fake-praise words like “unique” and “creative liberties” because The Show still likes Danny that much. Pass the crack pipe, y’all.
Kris Allen "All She Wants To Do Is Dance” from 1985
Kris gets couch time, because The Show may want to actually back him mid-season a la David Cook (but don’t hold them to that). Kris mentions taking the day off and doing “the cheesiest thing ever” by riding the ferris wheel. Ever, Kris? Let me remind you what show you are on, and we shall rank cheese-factor accordingly. Kris performs from the mosh pit, which seems all the rage this season. The song arrangement is switched up, and it’s OK, but it’s not altogether an improvement. It also doesn’t quite showcase Kris’ vocals. It’s a bit of a mish-mosh. Shockingly, Randy has the best insight by pointing out that the music overshadowed the vocals.
Lil Rounds "What’s Love Got To Do With It” from 1984
Lil is named after the first 3 letters of her grandmother, Lily. Dem black folks have the most fascinating baby name stories. Tina Turner is one of the lesser Diva dieties, but Diva (with capital) nonetheless. Lil’s version is a toothless, tame version of the sassy, strutting Tina. Once again, it’s vocally OK, but there’s no personality under the surface. Lil should have chosen a much lesser known song and owned it. Lil seems like a great person but girlfriend just ain’t getting it. The judges are underwhelmed, with Simon citing her performance as a “second or third rate Tina.” Lil Rounds? More like ‘Lil Tina.
Anoop Desai "True Colors” from 1986
Annop apologizes for his uncharacteristic “excuse me?” reaction to Kara last week. In Idol-speak, this is tantamount to a NSFW Sopranos-level obsenity-spew. Everyone over the age of 12 merely shrugged. It’s hard to separate this song from Cyndi Lauper’s awesome and unique bravura version. There are brief moments in the second half where it captures a contemporary R&B vibe, and it’s alllmost interesting. The vocals? Very good. Anoop! Done good this evening.
Scott MacIntyre "The Search Is Over” from 1985
Originally sung by the human dog-whistle known as Peter Cetera, Scott has a tough comparison ahead of him. He’s out from behind the piano, which I give him guts-points for, but the vocals? Not powerful enough, and some bad notes abound. Ultimately, it’s a bad choice for Scott, far beyond his reach. Scott gets one half-second rock-star moment as he releases the guita lick and the lights flash behind him. It’s fleeting, and Scott’s days are surely numbered. “We are done with your inspiration, blindy!” declares Show.
Allison Iraheta “I Can’t Make You Love Me” from 1992
First, a small exclamation point moment for Allison being born in 1992. “!” The performance is OK. Like Lil’s, it’s more or less a copycat performance, not reaching the grandeur of the original. The judges like her a lot, and cite her lack of “likeability” as being her “issue.” This, my friends and viewers, is a blatant attempt of The Show to keep Allison in the competition, as this season is woefully guy-heavy.
Matt Giraud “Part Time Lovers” from 1985
I like my Stevie Wonder, but peeps, I ain’t never liked this song. Matt gives it a jazzy arrangement. It’s OK, but it’s a little low register for a Stevie joint. Overall, I give Matt props for originality and pulling off an arrangement that works. The judges do a drive-by pressed-for-time judging but overall, they like. Also? How dare anyone trample into Our Lord And Savior Adam Lampert’s time?
Adam Lampert "Mad World” from 1983
Or, more accurately, from 2003. Adam sings the Gary Jules/Michael Andrews version popularized by the Donnie Darko soundtrack. Since my DVR cut out, I had to find it online. Bathed in blue pimp lights, The Show’s most favorite Idol emotes and broods in a COPYCAT performance of the 2003 version. It's vocally sound, but once again, there's been dozens of Idol performances on par with this. But what happens?
This, this, gets him a standing-effing-ovation from Simon Cowell. That thud you just heard was the fall of my respect for the show's most honest judge. Shameful. Voting is just a formality at this point. I can't recall a time when The Show pushed any contestant as hard as they are pushing Adam. Because we haven't had a great goth-poseur alt-singer since the giddy days of WDRE in its heyday? I hope America is ready for the Robert Smith tribute album.
So who’s going home? Scott, more than the search is over, my friend.
Danny Gokey "Stand By Me” from 1980
And already, the cheating begins. Cover songs from the year they were born. And from the eldest contestant no less! I can forgive cover songs when we eventually reach the crap-pop-fest of the 90s, but not in the 80s. The song has been Michael McDonaldized, all slow and with the Gokey rasp. Then it moves into an untempo “please welcome the bride and groom” vibe. With scatting. Honestly, I’m not a fan of this, as the soul and simplicity of the original “Stand By Me” is lost in the jazzy wedding singer arrangement. The arrangement is way cheesy, altho the vocals are OK. The judges all lie with fake-praise words like “unique” and “creative liberties” because The Show still likes Danny that much. Pass the crack pipe, y’all.
Kris Allen "All She Wants To Do Is Dance” from 1985
Kris gets couch time, because The Show may want to actually back him mid-season a la David Cook (but don’t hold them to that). Kris mentions taking the day off and doing “the cheesiest thing ever” by riding the ferris wheel. Ever, Kris? Let me remind you what show you are on, and we shall rank cheese-factor accordingly. Kris performs from the mosh pit, which seems all the rage this season. The song arrangement is switched up, and it’s OK, but it’s not altogether an improvement. It also doesn’t quite showcase Kris’ vocals. It’s a bit of a mish-mosh. Shockingly, Randy has the best insight by pointing out that the music overshadowed the vocals.
Lil Rounds "What’s Love Got To Do With It” from 1984
Lil is named after the first 3 letters of her grandmother, Lily. Dem black folks have the most fascinating baby name stories. Tina Turner is one of the lesser Diva dieties, but Diva (with capital) nonetheless. Lil’s version is a toothless, tame version of the sassy, strutting Tina. Once again, it’s vocally OK, but there’s no personality under the surface. Lil should have chosen a much lesser known song and owned it. Lil seems like a great person but girlfriend just ain’t getting it. The judges are underwhelmed, with Simon citing her performance as a “second or third rate Tina.” Lil Rounds? More like ‘Lil Tina.
Anoop Desai "True Colors” from 1986
Annop apologizes for his uncharacteristic “excuse me?” reaction to Kara last week. In Idol-speak, this is tantamount to a NSFW Sopranos-level obsenity-spew. Everyone over the age of 12 merely shrugged. It’s hard to separate this song from Cyndi Lauper’s awesome and unique bravura version. There are brief moments in the second half where it captures a contemporary R&B vibe, and it’s alllmost interesting. The vocals? Very good. Anoop! Done good this evening.
Scott MacIntyre "The Search Is Over” from 1985
Originally sung by the human dog-whistle known as Peter Cetera, Scott has a tough comparison ahead of him. He’s out from behind the piano, which I give him guts-points for, but the vocals? Not powerful enough, and some bad notes abound. Ultimately, it’s a bad choice for Scott, far beyond his reach. Scott gets one half-second rock-star moment as he releases the guita lick and the lights flash behind him. It’s fleeting, and Scott’s days are surely numbered. “We are done with your inspiration, blindy!” declares Show.
Allison Iraheta “I Can’t Make You Love Me” from 1992
First, a small exclamation point moment for Allison being born in 1992. “!” The performance is OK. Like Lil’s, it’s more or less a copycat performance, not reaching the grandeur of the original. The judges like her a lot, and cite her lack of “likeability” as being her “issue.” This, my friends and viewers, is a blatant attempt of The Show to keep Allison in the competition, as this season is woefully guy-heavy.
Matt Giraud “Part Time Lovers” from 1985
I like my Stevie Wonder, but peeps, I ain’t never liked this song. Matt gives it a jazzy arrangement. It’s OK, but it’s a little low register for a Stevie joint. Overall, I give Matt props for originality and pulling off an arrangement that works. The judges do a drive-by pressed-for-time judging but overall, they like. Also? How dare anyone trample into Our Lord And Savior Adam Lampert’s time?
Adam Lampert "Mad World” from 1983
Or, more accurately, from 2003. Adam sings the Gary Jules/Michael Andrews version popularized by the Donnie Darko soundtrack. Since my DVR cut out, I had to find it online. Bathed in blue pimp lights, The Show’s most favorite Idol emotes and broods in a COPYCAT performance of the 2003 version. It's vocally sound, but once again, there's been dozens of Idol performances on par with this. But what happens?
This, this, gets him a standing-effing-ovation from Simon Cowell. That thud you just heard was the fall of my respect for the show's most honest judge. Shameful. Voting is just a formality at this point. I can't recall a time when The Show pushed any contestant as hard as they are pushing Adam. Because we haven't had a great goth-poseur alt-singer since the giddy days of WDRE in its heyday? I hope America is ready for the Robert Smith tribute album.
So who’s going home? Scott, more than the search is over, my friend.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Idol Recap :: iTune In, iTune Out
Tonite's theme: The Idolers can sing any song "as long as it's a popular download on iTunes". That is fairly broad, huh? At least there's no excuse for NOT being contemporary tonight. You know, like most weeks, when the Idolers sing songs from the fossilized remains of a "musical legend" and then get criticized for not sounding "contemporary" for singing a 30 year old song. Idol, you fickle bitch.
Except, only 2 out of 9 Idolers choose songs from the past 5 years. Yeah, I know.
No mentor this week, so the Idolers visit Ryan Seacrest's daytime haunt. No, not under the bridge -- or next to a Pot of Gold (perhaps I need to lay off THE SOUP), but his radio studio, where he hosts "America's Top 40." Remember Casey Kasem's long distance dedications? Whenever I'm in bad mood, I just listen to the classic dedication to the dog named Snuggles. It's a situation we can all understand whether we have kids, or pets, or neither.
Anoop Desai "Hold" by Usher
At least, I think that's the name of the song, as The Show refuses to introduce it properly. And if you think I'm intimately familiar with Usher's body of work.. you are mistaken. Anoop wants to do something different and "sing a song I would relate to if I was watching the show." The entirety of "Jacob's Ladder" was less confusing than that sentence. Anoop, if there is one thing you shouldn't attempt on this show, it's the bending of minds like that. This is an odd mix, Anoop making porn faces and swaggering with a bit of attitude. I don't think was the right song for him. Anoop might have had a "moment" by picking a contemporary ballad. I agree with Kara on this one, that it looked like a "frat boy on a dare." Anoop seems unfazed by judges comments and stands by his choice because he wants to be an R&B artist. Self-awareness is your friend, Anoop.
Megan Joy "Turn Your Lights Down Low" by Bob Marley
Remakes aside, Bob Marley? THIS is not a contemporary choice. Megan insists this is one of her favorite songs. "Then why you gotta do me like that?" says song. Every week, in vain, I root for Megan to turn it around.If you aren't LOOKING at Megan, and just LISTENING, you'll discover she sounds like Ethel Merman on a bender. There are moments where it's not bad, but I think once again, Megan picked the wrong song. Amy Winehouse, Megan? Oh, Megan, everyone likes the idea of you... it's your performances that don't match up to that.
Danny Gokey "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts
Let's see what pair of glasses Danny Jesse Raphael is wearing this week... did he settle on a pair? Danny is starting to flatline as the "Hootie And The Blowfish" of the season. Y'know, at first they sound great and unique... and then after a lotta airplay, you start to wonder why you liked them so much. It's a technically good performance, but I think The Show is beginning to wonder if Danny has the artistic chops to create music. The judges love, which shows they still have some faith in him.
Allison Iraheta "Don't Speak" by No Doubt
Really? A song that's 14 years old qualifies as a "top iTunes download"? OK, Show. Allison rocks the stage looking like one of Sydney Bristow's alter egos going undercover... at the prom in some undefined Eurotrash country (aren't they all on that show?). Girl needs a less extreme colorist. It's ok, but Allison is becoming one note. The judges mildly like. Kinda. What everyone seems to be dancing around is this: Allison is starting to become gimmicky.
Scott MacIntyre "Just The Way You Are" by Billy Joel
Scott says he loves Billy Joel for his music, his song-writing, and his performances. Not to be rude, Scott, but... performances? I'm not sure you're a qualified judge there, with all the blindness and what not. Also, again, this is a top download? A song from 1977 with two download bars? (yes, Show, I checked. Suck it.). It's a good performance, and a good song choice for Scott. And good choice to strip down the song arrangement. It's good, but unfortunately, I'm not sure if the nation is still enthralled with the walking "inspirational story" that is Scott. Not his fault, but a reality.
Matt Giraud "You Found Me" by The Fray
Wow, something actually current. Which may be good move for Matt. After (unjustly) bottom three-ing last week, he needs something memorable. The first few notes are a little off. It's a bit of a frentic performance. There are moments that are good, but the sum of the parts does not equal Matt's "moment." Much less so. Matt probably should have chosen Timberlake, Robin Thicke or Maroon 5 (Matt could probably out-sing Adam Levine, truth be told). The judges don't like, and they are sadly correct. Matt responds, "I just want to show them that R&B isn't the only thing I can do." A lovely sentiment, Matt, but fighting out of the box The Show has placed you in -- that can only end in tears.
Lil Rounds "I Surrender" by Celine Dion
Lil wants to pick a good song, after being criticized for making bad songs choices. I think she's done it this week. She picked a difficult song, evoked a diva, and delivered. The judges find it boring, and want Lil to sound less old fashioned. Because it was ok when other contestants sang 30 years old songs. Lil doesn't get enough credit for, y'know, actually SINGING WELL. But there's an adorable moment with her kids in the audience that will earn her a few votes.
Adam Lampert "Play That Funky Music" by Wild Cherry
From 19-effing-76. Adam promises (threatens?) to give it a contemporary spin to sound like "something that could exist in a current pop record." By "something", Adam means wailing. By "current", Adam means "kinda creepy". Adam is 45% less poseur goth rocker this week. I'm guessing the boy has internet access - and has read recaps. Like mine. It's OK but a little bit of a novelty act. Like, Adam is channeling Normund Gentle this week. It's got some entertainment value, I will give him that. It's a fine performance. But Jesus Christmas, what exactly are the judges hearing in that studio? It's not what I'm hearing on my couch. They gush, praise and rhapsodize. Um, what now?
Kris Allen "Ain't No Sunshine"
Kris is looking to take an old song and give it a new spin. And that he does. I've said before Kris is a dark horse in this competition, and this performance proves it. For my money, it's the best performance of the night. Ladies and gentlemen, Kris Allen is the new Danny Gokey. If he keeps this up, he could very well sail up to the finals.
So who's leaving us tomorrow?
I think Matt's frentic performance will mean he's going iHome.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Idol Recap :: Okee-Dokee, Smokey
It's Motown Night. With Barry Gordon and Smokey Robinson's wax statue. The Idols get a tour of Motown studios and Smokey Robinson looks over them, with the penetrating stare of his fake alien eyes. And I'm thinking of that old K-Tel records commercial where that girl on the street says, "Smokey? He's the greatest!!" (anyone?)
Matt Giraud "Let's Get It On"
Matt starts a slower tempo at the piano, and then kicks it up with a soulful ballad-y thang. Probably a good move for Matt to get out from behind the piano, and with this song, he's in his element. Matt has the potential to be a dark horse in this competition, but I doubt the judges will let him get too far. The judges like.
Kris Allen "How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)"
This is quite good. I think Kris changed it up just enough. And he's got good vocal control with his slight growl-sing moments. Kara sort summed it up with "you did everything right."
Scott MacIntyre "You Can't Hurry Love"
Scott is still behind the piano - because, c'mon, truly - do we really want the poor guy singing sightless mid-stage? It's an OK performance, but I don't think it's ultimately a good song choice for Scott; His range is just below what we're all used to hearing in this oft-heard song. It amounts to a poor cover song they might use in a movie too cheap to spring for Diana Ross. The back-up singers provide some visual... something, but they aren't in harmony with Scott at times. The judges didn't like it much, and I can't say I blame them. Simon sums it up: "It felt cheap."
Megan Joy "For Once In My LIfe"
Smokey uses words like "original" and "different" to describe Megan. He appears to dig her "jazzy cabaret" vibe, but I can't tell how sincere he is about her, for reals. Me? I like the idea of Meagn, but somehow the performances she gives leave me cold. I think she may have a big moment in her, but she is scrambling around blind trying to find it. She sounds a bit strained with this one. Kara is right, she should have sung "My Guy" or something like that. She needs to strut and show attitude with her singing. The judges don't like at all.
Anoop Desai "Ooh Ohh, Baby Baby"
It's good. Technically good anyway. A little dull. Anoop has lost some of his ANOOP!ness. Simon says: "It was a great vocal, but you looked like you were half asleep." Yup, that's about it.
Michael Sarver "Aint Too Proud To Beg"
Michael wants to "Church it up". Yes, Michael, go for the Jesus votes. I think this one is a little over-cooked. Michael is smiling and holding onto notes at random. And way too many runs. I think Michael also missed Smokey's note about the song: It's about a man pleading for the very last time for his lover not to leave. It's not a Happy-Time-Chili-Cookoff Musicale. The judges - they do not like. They hammer him, actually. Michael, only Jesus can save you now, so you better hope he takes the wheel.
Lil Rounds "Heatwave"
Lil admits to getting emotional at the history of Motown. I tell ya, Lil is a class act. Ryan introduces her from the alterna-mosh pit, where someone let some uggos and fatties in. Security! Anyway, Lil is rockin' the whole Motown look; She looks like one of the Pips. The vocals are solid because, well, it's Lil. Kara and Randy have some good points, and there were spots that could have been better. I think Simon may be right - this week could have been "her moment" - and it wasn't.
Adam Lampert "Tracks Of My Tears"
Adam is sporting a Ricky Valens look this week. No wallets with chains. No guyliner. No black nail polish. It's a slow, somber interpretation of the song, if it was sung by the Bee Gees. He gets a standing ovation. A. Standing. Ovation. I feel like Stewie Griffen when he was so bemused his head slowly tilted sideways and was stuck that way. I think everyone needs to calm down. What goes on here?!? Randy gives some bullshit about "knowing from day one..." which, if I recall, they gave him the oft-times dead-man-walking label of "Broadway Singer." Wow, The Show really wants this guy in the finale for some bizarre reason. If he wins, you will see the tracks of my tears.
Danny Gokey "Get Ready"
Good song for Danny. It's totally "in his pocket," as Paula might say before the meds kick in. Danny does a nice job with it, but I'm getting the feeling that Danny has flatlined. I don't think there's much originality in there, ultimately. Another observation: Gokey is such a white-boy dancer. Simon even calls it "clumsy" and "amateurish." Idol Gods, if you have abandoned Danny is favor of Adam, I weep for our future.
Allison Iraheta "Poppa Was A Rolling Stone"
Allison does a nice job with this one, although it may be a tad overstylized. Good song choice on her part, though. A good showcase of her vocals. The judges love, as The Show valiantly tries to save Allison from "bottom threeing" this week.
So who's going home this week? I think Michael Sarver is returning to the oil rig from whence he came.
Matt Giraud "Let's Get It On"
Matt starts a slower tempo at the piano, and then kicks it up with a soulful ballad-y thang. Probably a good move for Matt to get out from behind the piano, and with this song, he's in his element. Matt has the potential to be a dark horse in this competition, but I doubt the judges will let him get too far. The judges like.
Kris Allen "How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)"
This is quite good. I think Kris changed it up just enough. And he's got good vocal control with his slight growl-sing moments. Kara sort summed it up with "you did everything right."
Scott MacIntyre "You Can't Hurry Love"
Scott is still behind the piano - because, c'mon, truly - do we really want the poor guy singing sightless mid-stage? It's an OK performance, but I don't think it's ultimately a good song choice for Scott; His range is just below what we're all used to hearing in this oft-heard song. It amounts to a poor cover song they might use in a movie too cheap to spring for Diana Ross. The back-up singers provide some visual... something, but they aren't in harmony with Scott at times. The judges didn't like it much, and I can't say I blame them. Simon sums it up: "It felt cheap."
Megan Joy "For Once In My LIfe"
Smokey uses words like "original" and "different" to describe Megan. He appears to dig her "jazzy cabaret" vibe, but I can't tell how sincere he is about her, for reals. Me? I like the idea of Meagn, but somehow the performances she gives leave me cold. I think she may have a big moment in her, but she is scrambling around blind trying to find it. She sounds a bit strained with this one. Kara is right, she should have sung "My Guy" or something like that. She needs to strut and show attitude with her singing. The judges don't like at all.
Anoop Desai "Ooh Ohh, Baby Baby"
It's good. Technically good anyway. A little dull. Anoop has lost some of his ANOOP!ness. Simon says: "It was a great vocal, but you looked like you were half asleep." Yup, that's about it.
Michael Sarver "Aint Too Proud To Beg"
Michael wants to "Church it up". Yes, Michael, go for the Jesus votes. I think this one is a little over-cooked. Michael is smiling and holding onto notes at random. And way too many runs. I think Michael also missed Smokey's note about the song: It's about a man pleading for the very last time for his lover not to leave. It's not a Happy-Time-Chili-Cookoff Musicale. The judges - they do not like. They hammer him, actually. Michael, only Jesus can save you now, so you better hope he takes the wheel.
Lil Rounds "Heatwave"
Lil admits to getting emotional at the history of Motown. I tell ya, Lil is a class act. Ryan introduces her from the alterna-mosh pit, where someone let some uggos and fatties in. Security! Anyway, Lil is rockin' the whole Motown look; She looks like one of the Pips. The vocals are solid because, well, it's Lil. Kara and Randy have some good points, and there were spots that could have been better. I think Simon may be right - this week could have been "her moment" - and it wasn't.
Adam Lampert "Tracks Of My Tears"
Adam is sporting a Ricky Valens look this week. No wallets with chains. No guyliner. No black nail polish. It's a slow, somber interpretation of the song, if it was sung by the Bee Gees. He gets a standing ovation. A. Standing. Ovation. I feel like Stewie Griffen when he was so bemused his head slowly tilted sideways and was stuck that way. I think everyone needs to calm down. What goes on here?!? Randy gives some bullshit about "knowing from day one..." which, if I recall, they gave him the oft-times dead-man-walking label of "Broadway Singer." Wow, The Show really wants this guy in the finale for some bizarre reason. If he wins, you will see the tracks of my tears.
Danny Gokey "Get Ready"
Good song for Danny. It's totally "in his pocket," as Paula might say before the meds kick in. Danny does a nice job with it, but I'm getting the feeling that Danny has flatlined. I don't think there's much originality in there, ultimately. Another observation: Gokey is such a white-boy dancer. Simon even calls it "clumsy" and "amateurish." Idol Gods, if you have abandoned Danny is favor of Adam, I weep for our future.
Allison Iraheta "Poppa Was A Rolling Stone"
Allison does a nice job with this one, although it may be a tad overstylized. Good song choice on her part, though. A good showcase of her vocals. The judges love, as The Show valiantly tries to save Allison from "bottom threeing" this week.
So who's going home this week? I think Michael Sarver is returning to the oil rig from whence he came.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Idol Recap :: A Musical Travis-ty
Grand Olde Opry Night. I'm not even a little bit country. So, I'm hearing lots of blather and looking at Randy Travis.
Michael Sarver "Aint Goin' Down Til The Sun Comes Up"
This should be Michael's night: The Red State jamboree. He gets all the wordplay down. To me, it sounds like Jason Mraz by way of Alabama. It's OK, but vocally, this does nothing. It's like, The Show has abandoned Sarver at this point, after pushing him down our throats for weeks. He doesn't get any stylistic makeover, or family camera pans, or oil rig mentions this week. Michael does his best to play the "country" card, but Simon ain't havin' it, y'all.
Allison Iraheta "Blame It On Your Heart"
Hey, I actually recognize this song. I think Allison has changed the melody a bit too much, stripping it of its country flair. At least she doesn't do her cartoonish Quick Draw McGraw choreography that she flirted with at rehearsals. The judges mostly love
Kris Allen "To Make It Through My Love"
This is actually really good. The song suits Kris really well, and reminds us that he's a good vocalist. This may be Kris' "Show Moment". The judges agree.
Lil Rounds " Independence Day"
According to an anonymous backstager, Lil Rounds is one of the final four: "The New York Daily News reports that one Idol staff member is blabbing and claiming the judges, along with a team of producers, have already decided who will make the final four. According to the mole, Danny Gokey, Lil Rounds, Adam Lambert and Alexis Grace will be the last four singers standing. Asked if the info was mere speculation, the source replied, “those ARE the people.”"
As Cordelia Chase might say, "I register no surprise." Those are the ones the show has been pushing since the season began. I do think she is operating fom old intel, as Alexis has been abandoned for the newer, shinier, of-equal-value Allison.
Anyhoo...This is actually a little rough in spots. I don't think this country joint is Lil's thang. She kind of works it toward the end. The judges are feelin' what I'm feelin', and I'm amused that Simon is calling Lil "Little", as if Lil is a shortened name for Little. You know, like 'Lil Devil? I'm sure it's because he's from British. (<< reference from two seasons ago)
Adam Lampert "Ring Of Fire"
Adam is looking like he shopped in the "Club Boys On Crystal Meth" section of Target. Adam is still pretending to rawk, pretend-wincing at this week's theme, as if he never starred in some version of "Oklahoma" or perhaps "Seven Grooms For Seven Brothers." Randy Travis says what the non-Kool Aid drinking Idolers are thinking, "I don't even know what to say about this boy." Travis also doesn't favor Adam black nailpolish, fearin' it's city-lovin' ho-mo-sex-ual overtones. The rest of us just think it has an air of douchiness.
Adam slips the camera lens some spanish fly and rapes it with his eyes. That poor camera lens still has the night shivers from Constantine Maroulis' season four facially forced love making. Vocally, it's ok in spots, but it's way over the top. It's like Zoolander by way of Robert Smith with a side of Dr. Frankenfurter. The judges all dance around the truth, because Adam is engineered to be in the final four. Simon at least calls it "rubbish," tearing the space-time continuum that The Show lives in. Randy claims that it's "what it would be if Nine Inch Nails did Country." Perhaps, if Nine Inch Nails were replaced with douchey rocker wannabes, Randy.
Scott MacIntyre "Wild Angels"
Randy Travis doesn't initially like Scott's song choice (Martina McBride), so it's a good thing the guy is blind, because you can see it on his face. What we get is what Scott does: Piano! Inspiration! Musical bridges and high notes! The judges sorta tell Scott to take more chances. Because the fifteen minutes on Scott's Inspiration Clock are ticking....
Alexis Grace "Jolene"
Sound familiar? Brooke White sang this one last year. This one is ok, but Alexis has some small issues with the pitch changes during the song. But, she gets some points for getting the emotion of the song across. Kara is right, though, she should have picked something with some edge, like "Before He Cheats." Sorry, Alexis! The Show is now backing Allison as "the rocker girl" this season.
Danny Gokey "Jesus Take The Wheel"
Danny is Peter Brady-ing his whole Randy Travis rehearsal. Full of clinkers and clunkers. Now, clad in a Captain Eo jacket, Danny sings the song better than rehearsals anyway. It starts off a bit rough, and he eventually gets there, but it's actually all a little boring. Three-fourths of the way through, there's some magic, though. Some riffing and vocal styling and that will carry him. Kara and Randy actually keep it real and call him on the first half of the song.
Anoop Desai "You Are Always On My Mind"
This week, Anoop reminds us that he can actually sing, and he's more than a novelty act. He wisely changes the arrangement a bit, so he doesn't get compared to Willie Nelson. It's a "moment" for Anoop. Judges are lovin'! Anoop Dog is back!
Megan Joy "I Go Walking After Midnight"
Megan gives it a slight winky-sultry lounge singer vibe. A lounge singer with extreme diction. There are moments when it's interesting and different, but there's some bad notes. The sum of of its parts doesn't quite add up. It's a bit of a schitzo performance. Ah, then it's revealed she has the flu, and was in the hospital, which gives her a little pass this week.
Matt Giraud "So Small"
Otherwise known as "oh yeah, THAT guy. I forgot he was in the competition." Matt brings his soulful approach to the song. The judges all love, and remind us that Matt can .. y'know... sing. They were too busy pushing Michael Sarver, Lil Rounds, Danny Gokey and Alexis Grace that they sorta, y'know, ignored one of the guys who can sing well.
So who's going home tomorrow?
I think Jesus is taking the wheel and driving Alexis home.
Michael Sarver "Aint Goin' Down Til The Sun Comes Up"
This should be Michael's night: The Red State jamboree. He gets all the wordplay down. To me, it sounds like Jason Mraz by way of Alabama. It's OK, but vocally, this does nothing. It's like, The Show has abandoned Sarver at this point, after pushing him down our throats for weeks. He doesn't get any stylistic makeover, or family camera pans, or oil rig mentions this week. Michael does his best to play the "country" card, but Simon ain't havin' it, y'all.
Allison Iraheta "Blame It On Your Heart"
Hey, I actually recognize this song. I think Allison has changed the melody a bit too much, stripping it of its country flair. At least she doesn't do her cartoonish Quick Draw McGraw choreography that she flirted with at rehearsals. The judges mostly love
Kris Allen "To Make It Through My Love"
This is actually really good. The song suits Kris really well, and reminds us that he's a good vocalist. This may be Kris' "Show Moment". The judges agree.
Lil Rounds " Independence Day"
According to an anonymous backstager, Lil Rounds is one of the final four: "The New York Daily News reports that one Idol staff member is blabbing and claiming the judges, along with a team of producers, have already decided who will make the final four. According to the mole, Danny Gokey, Lil Rounds, Adam Lambert and Alexis Grace will be the last four singers standing. Asked if the info was mere speculation, the source replied, “those ARE the people.”"
As Cordelia Chase might say, "I register no surprise." Those are the ones the show has been pushing since the season began. I do think she is operating fom old intel, as Alexis has been abandoned for the newer, shinier, of-equal-value Allison.
Anyhoo...This is actually a little rough in spots. I don't think this country joint is Lil's thang. She kind of works it toward the end. The judges are feelin' what I'm feelin', and I'm amused that Simon is calling Lil "Little", as if Lil is a shortened name for Little. You know, like 'Lil Devil? I'm sure it's because he's from British. (<< reference from two seasons ago)
Adam Lampert "Ring Of Fire"
Adam is looking like he shopped in the "Club Boys On Crystal Meth" section of Target. Adam is still pretending to rawk, pretend-wincing at this week's theme, as if he never starred in some version of "Oklahoma" or perhaps "Seven Grooms For Seven Brothers." Randy Travis says what the non-Kool Aid drinking Idolers are thinking, "I don't even know what to say about this boy." Travis also doesn't favor Adam black nailpolish, fearin' it's city-lovin' ho-mo-sex-ual overtones. The rest of us just think it has an air of douchiness.
Adam slips the camera lens some spanish fly and rapes it with his eyes. That poor camera lens still has the night shivers from Constantine Maroulis' season four facially forced love making. Vocally, it's ok in spots, but it's way over the top. It's like Zoolander by way of Robert Smith with a side of Dr. Frankenfurter. The judges all dance around the truth, because Adam is engineered to be in the final four. Simon at least calls it "rubbish," tearing the space-time continuum that The Show lives in. Randy claims that it's "what it would be if Nine Inch Nails did Country." Perhaps, if Nine Inch Nails were replaced with douchey rocker wannabes, Randy.
Scott MacIntyre "Wild Angels"
Randy Travis doesn't initially like Scott's song choice (Martina McBride), so it's a good thing the guy is blind, because you can see it on his face. What we get is what Scott does: Piano! Inspiration! Musical bridges and high notes! The judges sorta tell Scott to take more chances. Because the fifteen minutes on Scott's Inspiration Clock are ticking....
Alexis Grace "Jolene"
Sound familiar? Brooke White sang this one last year. This one is ok, but Alexis has some small issues with the pitch changes during the song. But, she gets some points for getting the emotion of the song across. Kara is right, though, she should have picked something with some edge, like "Before He Cheats." Sorry, Alexis! The Show is now backing Allison as "the rocker girl" this season.
Danny Gokey "Jesus Take The Wheel"
Danny is Peter Brady-ing his whole Randy Travis rehearsal. Full of clinkers and clunkers. Now, clad in a Captain Eo jacket, Danny sings the song better than rehearsals anyway. It starts off a bit rough, and he eventually gets there, but it's actually all a little boring. Three-fourths of the way through, there's some magic, though. Some riffing and vocal styling and that will carry him. Kara and Randy actually keep it real and call him on the first half of the song.
Anoop Desai "You Are Always On My Mind"
This week, Anoop reminds us that he can actually sing, and he's more than a novelty act. He wisely changes the arrangement a bit, so he doesn't get compared to Willie Nelson. It's a "moment" for Anoop. Judges are lovin'! Anoop Dog is back!
Megan Joy "I Go Walking After Midnight"
Megan gives it a slight winky-sultry lounge singer vibe. A lounge singer with extreme diction. There are moments when it's interesting and different, but there's some bad notes. The sum of of its parts doesn't quite add up. It's a bit of a schitzo performance. Ah, then it's revealed she has the flu, and was in the hospital, which gives her a little pass this week.
Matt Giraud "So Small"
Otherwise known as "oh yeah, THAT guy. I forgot he was in the competition." Matt brings his soulful approach to the song. The judges all love, and remind us that Matt can .. y'know... sing. They were too busy pushing Michael Sarver, Lil Rounds, Danny Gokey and Alexis Grace that they sorta, y'know, ignored one of the guys who can sing well.
So who's going home tomorrow?
I think Jesus is taking the wheel and driving Alexis home.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Idol Recap :: PYT, Pitchy Young Things
Time once again for my weekly recapery. And it seems like only yesterday that Michael Johns attempted a failed ascot revival while Kristy Lee Cook Texas-raped "Eight Days A Week."
It's the top 13 (!) this season on AMERICAN IDOL, as Seacrest gleefully reminds us. Remember back on Wild Card Night, when the judges pre-picked those contestants and then pretended they decided who would go on based on actual performances? And then claimed that they decided "just now" to make it a top 13 instead of a top 12, even though a "Suprise Twist" was leaked on the radio hours and hours before broadcast? And how AMERICAN IDOL treats us like silly bitches, for investing in the show in the first place? Ah, memories.
The judges emerge from backstage like so much FAMILY FEUD. Tonight's theme is Michael Jackson, and we are treated to clips of Jackson's career, back when he was still black.
Onto tonight's performances.....
Lil Rounds "The Way You Make Me Feel"
Lil's one of the best this season. Imagine a classier and less grating Fantasia. No, less grating. (waits) Still less. Yeah, there you go. Good job on this, a little bluesy. The judges like.
Scott MacIntyre "Keep The Faith"
Otherwise known as "the blind guy." I don't know this song, and I almost can't quite imagine Jackson singing it - but the Anglo-Estrogen mosh pit sways in hypnotic thrall. It's good, albeit "safe". Kara talks about Scott's "hopeful message" and Paula goes on about how "magical" he is.... which isn't quite fair. The other contestants can't help not being blind, right?
Danny Gokey "PYT"
Otherwise known as "guy with the dead wife." I'm a big fan of Danny, and I predict he'll be in it 'til the end. Don't know if this is the best song choice for him; I woulda chose something a little quieter and soulful. Doesn't matter - judges love.
Michael Sarver "You're Not Alone"
Otherwise known as "oil rig guy." This guy got so much screen time and there were probably subliminal "you love micahel sarver" messages placed in between frames. The Show has knighted him as Red State CroonerTM this season. He's got a good voice, but I've never been too overly about his performances. Even Simon jokes, "I just wish we knew what you did for a living." The judges continue with a "we love Michael" fillabuster. In case you STILL don't want to vote for Michael, here's a close-up of his adorable moppet daughter with a "Vote 4 My Daddy" t-shirt. Is your heart made of STONE, man? ("Vote for Michael or we will kill puppies. Love, The Show")
Jasmine Murray "I'll Be There"
Uh-oh, Jasmine immediately draws comparison to Mariah Carey by way of Michael Jackson. It's a little sharp in spots. The judges are leary with compliments.
Kris Allen "Remember The Time"
Kris is this season's "teen idol"ish character, but the 23 year old is already married (!) Oh, Arkansas! I don't think this guitar is doing him any favors. Vocally, he sounds good, but he's gonna need some more stage presense. Meanwhile, Simon is pawing at Paula - who is looking like Glitter and Gold Jem tonight, by the by.
Allison Iraheta "Give It To Me"
Allison is all faux-rocker this week. Good performance overall, with a little edge and rasp. Allison insists she not that dark and she isn't there "cutting herself and stuff" and Paula, in a brief moment of clarity, frentically mimes for Allison to zip it. Self-mutilation references are a no-no on IDOL, but soul-crushing is splendidly endorsed!
Anoop Desai "Beat It"
Otherwise known as "Anoop!" I like Anoop, and how can you not? I'm not sure this was a good song choice, after last week's"My Perogative." He could start to seem like a novelty act FAST. As Simon says, "lightweight" and "karaoke." Wrong song choice, judges agree.
Jorge Nunez "Never Can Say Goodbye"
Otherwise known as "The Emotional Spanish Dreamer." It's fine, but somewhat forgettable. The judges slaughter. Dreams are meant to be crushed, my Puerto Rican friend. What's Spanish for "one ticket home, please"?
Megan Joy "Rockin' Robin"
Otherwise known as "this year's Brooke White". Wow, she's 23 and divorced with a child? Oh, Utah! I always thought this song sounded like something Potsie Webber would sing at Al's Drive-In. Megan does a bouncy, aggressive version of the song. I'm not sure if it's corny - or if she took a corny thing and made it post-modern ironic. Are we still being post-modern? The judges don't like.
Adam Lambert "Black And White"
First known as "Broadway Goth", then "Faux-Goth Rocker." Either way, his fingernails are black. Adam "rawks", rather than "rocks," and don't pretend you don't know what I mean. Adam tries to Arena Rock the song within an inch of its life, and the flashing lights whisper "Adam rawks!". The song is on the floor, bleeding and begging for mercy. Paula's medication kicks in and she rambles about "stage" "fashion" and "total package." The judges have orgasms. Woah, I'm not so sold so early.
Sidebar: This new Osbournes Show look cornier than "The Brady Bunch Variety Hour", while somehow remaining typical crass FOX trash. What would Black Sabbath fans say if they had a time machine in 1985 and saw this?
Matt Giraud "Human Nature"
Otherwise known as "that guy they want you to compare to Justin Timberlake." This is a good song choice for Matt. The judges are still in post-coital Adam Lambert spooning mode, so they mildly like.
Alexis Grace "Dirty Diana"
Otherwise known as "single mom, when convenient." This song starts a little "eh", but by the second bridge it gets better. Alexis looks all "hooker with a heart of gold", aggressively strutting the stage in her f-me pumps. The Show refuses to give her hypnotic flashing "rawker" lights. Those are only for Adam, dear. Alexis walked the street corner, but the judges are like, "Money's on the dresser." They only mildly like.
So which TWO are going home?
I'm afraid it's "adiós" to poor Jorge, and "You Won't Be There" for Jasmine.
It's the top 13 (!) this season on AMERICAN IDOL, as Seacrest gleefully reminds us. Remember back on Wild Card Night, when the judges pre-picked those contestants and then pretended they decided who would go on based on actual performances? And then claimed that they decided "just now" to make it a top 13 instead of a top 12, even though a "Suprise Twist" was leaked on the radio hours and hours before broadcast? And how AMERICAN IDOL treats us like silly bitches, for investing in the show in the first place? Ah, memories.
The judges emerge from backstage like so much FAMILY FEUD. Tonight's theme is Michael Jackson, and we are treated to clips of Jackson's career, back when he was still black.
Onto tonight's performances.....
Lil Rounds "The Way You Make Me Feel"
Lil's one of the best this season. Imagine a classier and less grating Fantasia. No, less grating. (waits) Still less. Yeah, there you go. Good job on this, a little bluesy. The judges like.
Scott MacIntyre "Keep The Faith"
Otherwise known as "the blind guy." I don't know this song, and I almost can't quite imagine Jackson singing it - but the Anglo-Estrogen mosh pit sways in hypnotic thrall. It's good, albeit "safe". Kara talks about Scott's "hopeful message" and Paula goes on about how "magical" he is.... which isn't quite fair. The other contestants can't help not being blind, right?
Danny Gokey "PYT"
Otherwise known as "guy with the dead wife." I'm a big fan of Danny, and I predict he'll be in it 'til the end. Don't know if this is the best song choice for him; I woulda chose something a little quieter and soulful. Doesn't matter - judges love.
Michael Sarver "You're Not Alone"
Otherwise known as "oil rig guy." This guy got so much screen time and there were probably subliminal "you love micahel sarver" messages placed in between frames. The Show has knighted him as Red State CroonerTM this season. He's got a good voice, but I've never been too overly about his performances. Even Simon jokes, "I just wish we knew what you did for a living." The judges continue with a "we love Michael" fillabuster. In case you STILL don't want to vote for Michael, here's a close-up of his adorable moppet daughter with a "Vote 4 My Daddy" t-shirt. Is your heart made of STONE, man? ("Vote for Michael or we will kill puppies. Love, The Show")
Jasmine Murray "I'll Be There"
Uh-oh, Jasmine immediately draws comparison to Mariah Carey by way of Michael Jackson. It's a little sharp in spots. The judges are leary with compliments.
Kris Allen "Remember The Time"
Kris is this season's "teen idol"ish character, but the 23 year old is already married (!) Oh, Arkansas! I don't think this guitar is doing him any favors. Vocally, he sounds good, but he's gonna need some more stage presense. Meanwhile, Simon is pawing at Paula - who is looking like Glitter and Gold Jem tonight, by the by.
Allison Iraheta "Give It To Me"
Allison is all faux-rocker this week. Good performance overall, with a little edge and rasp. Allison insists she not that dark and she isn't there "cutting herself and stuff" and Paula, in a brief moment of clarity, frentically mimes for Allison to zip it. Self-mutilation references are a no-no on IDOL, but soul-crushing is splendidly endorsed!
Anoop Desai "Beat It"
Otherwise known as "Anoop!" I like Anoop, and how can you not? I'm not sure this was a good song choice, after last week's"My Perogative." He could start to seem like a novelty act FAST. As Simon says, "lightweight" and "karaoke." Wrong song choice, judges agree.
Jorge Nunez "Never Can Say Goodbye"
Otherwise known as "The Emotional Spanish Dreamer." It's fine, but somewhat forgettable. The judges slaughter. Dreams are meant to be crushed, my Puerto Rican friend. What's Spanish for "one ticket home, please"?
Megan Joy "Rockin' Robin"
Otherwise known as "this year's Brooke White". Wow, she's 23 and divorced with a child? Oh, Utah! I always thought this song sounded like something Potsie Webber would sing at Al's Drive-In. Megan does a bouncy, aggressive version of the song. I'm not sure if it's corny - or if she took a corny thing and made it post-modern ironic. Are we still being post-modern? The judges don't like.
Adam Lambert "Black And White"
First known as "Broadway Goth", then "Faux-Goth Rocker." Either way, his fingernails are black. Adam "rawks", rather than "rocks," and don't pretend you don't know what I mean. Adam tries to Arena Rock the song within an inch of its life, and the flashing lights whisper "Adam rawks!". The song is on the floor, bleeding and begging for mercy. Paula's medication kicks in and she rambles about "stage" "fashion" and "total package." The judges have orgasms. Woah, I'm not so sold so early.
Sidebar: This new Osbournes Show look cornier than "The Brady Bunch Variety Hour", while somehow remaining typical crass FOX trash. What would Black Sabbath fans say if they had a time machine in 1985 and saw this?
Matt Giraud "Human Nature"
Otherwise known as "that guy they want you to compare to Justin Timberlake." This is a good song choice for Matt. The judges are still in post-coital Adam Lambert spooning mode, so they mildly like.
Alexis Grace "Dirty Diana"
Otherwise known as "single mom, when convenient." This song starts a little "eh", but by the second bridge it gets better. Alexis looks all "hooker with a heart of gold", aggressively strutting the stage in her f-me pumps. The Show refuses to give her hypnotic flashing "rawker" lights. Those are only for Adam, dear. Alexis walked the street corner, but the judges are like, "Money's on the dresser." They only mildly like.
So which TWO are going home?
I'm afraid it's "adiós" to poor Jorge, and "You Won't Be There" for Jasmine.
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